erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
