That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
