So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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