I CAN MOONWALK!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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