return my video game
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
