Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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