I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
