I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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