There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
