never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
