Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
