Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
