My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
operation harelip BJ is a go
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
