it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
