You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
