I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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