she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
