I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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