I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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