The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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