I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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