I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
