I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
