I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
