I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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