just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
