yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
