His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
