strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
