wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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