i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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