Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
