the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
