hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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