Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
