how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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