we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
