Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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