I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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