I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
