He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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