Just fell off a train. Bad.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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