Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
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