So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
