can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
