sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
