I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'd cum for enchiladas.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
