Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
