dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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