I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
