Apparently you make a good broom.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
