Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
