Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
