I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
