finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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