I just threw up on my dentist
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
