Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
