I faked an abortion last night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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