I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
