I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
