that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
