I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
