if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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