I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
