the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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