So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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