who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is wine microwaveable?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
