I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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